This month we are highlighting some of our team’s favorite skills/tools we have learned from our weekly Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) training and showcasing how we are using them in sessions with clients.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is an evidence-based psychotherapy that focuses on building skills for emotional regulation, distress tolerance, mindfulness, and interpersonal effectiveness. DBT emphasizes balancing acceptance and change skills, helping people honor their lived experience while learning practical tools to improve daily functioning and relationships.
Many people know what they need, but struggle to ask for it clearly, calmly, and without guilt. That’s where the DEAR MAN skill can be a powerful, and surprisingly practical, tool.
Originally designed to support interpersonal effectiveness, DEAR MAN helps people advocate for their needs while maintaining self‑respect and strengthening relationships.
When applied through a nutrition lens, it can support clients in setting boundaries, requesting accommodations, and expressing food‑related needs without shame or escalation.
What Is the DEAR MAN Skill?
DEAR MAN is an acronym that guides assertive communication:
- D – Describe the situation objectively
- E – Express feelings and opinions
- A – Assert needs or requests clearly
- R – Reinforce why the request matters
- M – Mindful (stay focused, don’t get distracted)
- A – Appear confident (tone, posture, clarity)
- N – Negotiate if needed
Why DEAR MAN Matters in Nutrition Care
Food intersects with relationships constantly: family meals, medical appointments, workplace lunches, social events, and treatment settings. For clients, these moments can trigger anxiety, people‑pleasing, or silence, even when their needs are legitimate.
In nutrition work, DEAR MAN can help clients:
- Advocate for regular meals and snacks at work or school
- Communicate hunger, fullness, or food preferences
- Set boundaries around diet talk or body commentary
- Speak up during medical or nutrition appointments
For providers, teaching DEAR MAN reinforces autonomy, body trust, and self‑advocacy, key components of sustainable nutrition care.
Let’s take a look at an example, using DEAR MAN to set boundaries around food talk at family or holiday meals.
Many of our clients feel overwhelmed by family food rules or body commentary from others at family gatherings. We can use the DEAR MAN skill to help clients articulate their needs.
Describe: “When comments are made about needing to ‘burn this off’ or ‘being bad’ for eating dessert at family meals…”
Express: “I notice I feel tense and less able to enjoy eating.”
Assert: “I’m asking that we keep food and body talk neutral while we’re together.”
Reinforce: “It makes meals feel more connected and enjoyable for me.”
Mindful: Gently repeat the request if the conversation drifts back to diet talk.
Appear confident: Matter‑of‑fact tone, relaxed posture.
Negotiate: “If it helps, I’m happy to change the subject or suggest a different topic at the table.”
Importantly, DEAR MAN is not about “winning” or forcing outcomes—it’s about honoring needs while staying regulated and self‑respecting.
DEAR MAN as a Nutrition Skill—not Just a Therapy Tool
Learning how to eat is often inseparable from learning how to speak up. When clients can confidently express their needs, whether that’s eating regularly, or asking for support, they’re better able to nourish both body and mind.
Using DEAR MAN in nutrition care reinforces a powerful message: your needs are valid, and you’re allowed to ask for them clearly.
In that way, DEAR MAN becomes more than a DBT skill. It becomes a pathway to sustainable, compassionate self‑care.
If you’re a client, provider, or caregiver curious about integrating communication skills into nutrition work, this is a great place to start, one clear, respectful conversation at a time.
